re-aligned part 2 continued

For nearly three years now I have been leaning on the Everlasting Arms of Jesus to hold me up and see me through a problem that is no longer a problem to me, but has had a lasting effect on my family.
Leaning on Jesus has been an occupation of mine since I was a child and He has never failed me. I depended on Him even before my life was turned over to Him. I have failed Him far more than once and probably will till I die but it is not because that is what I want out of myself for Him. I want the best of me offered as an humble servant to Him in the capacity He has laid out for me. I am scared at times of what might be asked of me and other times I am full of all the strength and security that is available to me through His promises.
At times I may appear too bold. There is a constant warfare between the internal being and this outward being but I know the inward man has already won the battle against His foe and mine. Just as Paul describes his dilemma in Roman's that when he goes to do good evil is always present it is with each of us. As I've aged I have learned to detect Satan's conniving ways much better and am dissing him more and more each day. Praying, studying God's Word, mediatating and even singing from a froggy voice helps me to stay ever ready to ward off the bad thoughts, and the enticements that he throws at us in so many ways.
In August I lost my husband to a battle with cancer that could not be detected until 5 days before he passed away. His battle was more than his physical body could handle and God relieved him by taking him home. I say home because that is where he wanted to go. He would look upward, raise his hand upward and say he was going to Heaven for that was going to be his new home. He specifically told the grandchildren while they stood around his bed that Papaw was going to Heaven and he wanted them to come and be with him. He told all those who visited him that he was going home and to forgive him if he had done anything that had hurt them. He could barely utter anything but he muffled the words out to family and friends the best he could do. He had told me earlier that when he died no matter what the cause he would really be dying of a broken heart due to the pain he'd gone through earlier, but I believe he reconciled himself to all that and had worked through it. His main concern was God's will in his life and if that meant he had to leave us then it must be for a special cause.
In all the years I had watched him after his mining accident and his choking problem for thirty years and then his heart surgery, defibrilator, and all the rest, we seldom thought cancer would be what would take his life but that is exactly what happened and an insignificant skin cancer invaded the cranial nerves in his brain taking away sight in one eye, effecting his ears, his facial movements, losing his ability to swallow even a drop of water, and losing his ability to speak. The hardest thing for me to see and know about him was the loss of his swallowing. It was horrible.It broke my heart and even though it was horrendous for us he bravely accepted it. For a week before he had the feeding tube he had nothing whatsoever go in his body not even some of his medications. He accepted that and didn't want to have to ever take his medications again. However when they got the feeding tube in him he began receiving some medication through it.
Kenny was a brave man and a humble man in the end. A man anyone could look up to. Yes he had made mistakes but he truly loved God and God saw all his suffering over the years and had mercy on him to take him out of the trials of this world and give him rest. Every time I hear of an old acquaintance passing away I just say " Kenny welcome an old friend and rejoice together." I smile when I think of him meeting a new, old, acquaintance in paradise as they wait to enter Heaven someday with all of God's children. What a happy day that will be when all our loved ones we will see and look upon the face of the One who saved us by His grace. It makes me want to go home too.
Yes, it took me a while to get the post out concerning my life being re-aligned. I knew it was going to be but not exactly how it would be. I would have preferred in many ways that it be with Kenny by my side but that was not God's plan and His plan is a perfect plan, though in nature it hurts to have given him up, I know I must go on. The days are hard and the nights even worse but I feel the presence of the Lord with me and He comforts me and protects me. He is a loving God and a tender God full of mercy with His children. He knows my pain and He will provide strength for me.
I take refuge in that my children and I have moved on to a church that we are happy in and hope to be a help to as the months and years go by. I fell for the church for one reason because of the light that flows into it on a sunshiny day, but not just for that but because even before my husband died he visited there and they welcomed him there, offering to have him preach for them or sing. Even though he chose not to preach he did sing a few songs. He felt happy there too but could never give up on the church he was raised in for 60 years. He learned a lot and so did so many during those trying times. He felt love for so many people that came to him from other churches and was humbled in a way he'd never been before. I think it was God's way of showing Him how much He loved and wanted to teach him that there really were good people from all over and we should not judge so quickly and harshly based on the church they attended. The lessons we learned are long lasting and have a soul searching depth to them. We must look within ourselves to see if we are who and what we say we are before we try to search the hearts and souls of others. Discovering the Love of God He has for us and learning to love as He loves us is the key to a successful walk with him and for a joyous and fulfilling life and nothing can compare to a life walking in His will. So I will continue to lean on the Everlasting arms of my Savior and do the very best that this mortal and fallible human being can do for the one who saved my soul so long ago.

The purpose in my life has been realigned ...to be cont.

It has been seven months since I've published anything on my blog due to the sorrow of having a nervous breakdown in February which began during the time I was posting on this blog but culminated in being hospitalized in February. How you might say did I allow this to happen to myself with having the amount of faith and belief in God that I have. My only answer is that I am human and the cares of this world had me so bogged down with grief and sorrow that I tried on my own to fix things that I alone could not fix.

I thought I had caused all the problems so it was therefore up to me to fix them. With much prayer and consultation with the medical profession as well as Christian brothers and sisters who know the real me and know that I would never do anything to purposely hurt anyone with my words or deeds have helped me to realize that a number far greater than one person is responsible in what happened to me and my family as a whole.

Without rehashing all the things that happened to me and my family let me summarily say that due to an indiscretion that was brought on by my husband due to the temptations we all have in our daily life in some form. My family has nearly been destroyed. My minister husband asked for forgiveness from God and told me about it and asked my forgiveness, which I did, but the personality I have led me to think I needed to confide in another pastor which I did locally and to my dismay it was spread all over our county and surrounding counties in such a way that has nearly killed my whole family. Gossip is what it has amounted to and unforgiving people who profess to have God as their leader just as we did and do destroyed many people in the process.

The indiscretion hurt me and was a personal thing between us and God and had been forgiven. I personally wanted to know if I had done the right thing by not bringing it before our church, is why I went to the brother. I had much confidence in him that he would tell me and do the right thing himself and that I could have this put behind me after 5 years. Emotionally is where it hurt me so bad as it would with any woman. However our church that we had devoted 36 years to forgave in the beginning but after so much talk they all turned their backs on us. Our association was divided and our churches split. Yes that is true over this indiscretion that hurt me personally, deeply and emotionally, but did not lead to a physical affair.

I began trying to tell everyone that I was wrong in going to the brother in church with my marriage problem and that I did not want my husband or anyone hurt for it especially our church and our association. Every attempt to try to convince people to drop it only led to more disappointment and more pain emotionally and physically for me and for my husband. I was drained, I could not sleep, I was crying myself to death and I could not think things out. I acted then reacted continuously till I was nearly collapsing every day. Then one day in my Dr.s office it was suggested that I needed help and I must say I truly did need help so bad. I was shaking from my head to my feet and on occasion I still do, but gradually every day I am improving.
I honestly thought there was no better for either of us but to wait till death came upon us. Now having regained some strength I can still see the purpose in life to do God's will no matter what man may think and so does my husband. It is just so extraordinary that most churches have policies that admonish or reprimand but still lovingly show mercy and forgive people when they are sorry and make mistakes. WE have learned a lesson that took us 36 years to recognize. I pray we live long enough to restore our faith in the church we loved so well and for so long.
Never would we condone or give merit to the things we've done wrong as being good but none of us are without faults and mistakes and the love of God should abound in us to the extent of forgiveness to our brothers or sisters who falter, admit it and ask forgiveness.

Questions to ponder

The following are questions geared toward the spiritual and the flesh of man? They are not meant to be taken litterally as in the terms of stoning, killing, etc. but rather as metaphors for things done unto each other who claim to be brothers in churches.

We know we have passed from death unto life because we love the brethren. All the brethren? Some of the brethren? Few of the brethren?
Is there any room for forgiveness when a brother asks for it?
Can a brother be brought before a tribunal that has already asked forgiveness and been forgiven by God?
What if there is no tangible proof and no witnesses?
Is he a liar if he says God forgave Him? Do you fear standing in judgment of Hell-fire if you can't forgive?
Can you be consumed with hatred and cannot stand your brethren who might disagree with you and say you Love God? Is it impossible?
Are you always right in your judgments toward another? Can you accept that you might be wrong?
Gossip is bad but is listening to gossip just as bad?
If a little gossip hurts, how much can open humiliation hurt? Is it worth it to see a brother destroyed in your eyes? Why not stone the brother to death publicly? Is it good to kill many in order to kill one? Is it like war and the collateral damage is to be expected? Even if it is more brothers and sisters? is it worth it to destroy churches right down the middle to seek revenge?
Is living under a dictatorship in some churches like living in a cult?
Is a dictator in a church any different than the mind controllers who have controlled cults in the past?
Can a person who is a demagogue be capable of seeing what he is doing?
What does murmurings mean? Does it mean going from brother to brother with secret talks and inuendos?
Can a person be proud of himself when he goes to and fro seeking recruits for his agenda? Even in unseemly places? Does his conscience hurt him? Is he sly like a fox if he does these things? Is he a wolf in sheep's clothing?
Do those murmurings speak to the mind or the hearts of men?
How far will one brother go to kill another spiritually? The devil goes to and fro seeking whom he may devour.
Jesus was tempted 40 days and 40 nights. Can you believe that? He was perfect and didn't sin? Have you ever been tempted 40 days and 40 nights and not sin? Jesus didn't need to be saved he was already the source of all salvation for all mankind. Because He saves from sin do we never sin again?

For the past two weeks I have posted much on the questions of sin and whether or not a Christian will still sin. I asked many questions. The answers are all found in God's Holy Book. Never do I want to take away or add to anything He has for us to go by. Paul's letters to the churches are prime examples that he found a little something wrong with members in each one.
In the books of James to Revelation we see the words are to the Christians, who appear to have still committed sins. Sin is not something to be proud of, boast about but to lay before the altar of Jesus and as He sits in His seat of Mercy he will forgive if it is forgiveable.

Hopefully this is my last post on topics of woe is me syndrome for what others have done to us for in God lies the answers and in Him I will put my trust and leave it there. My prayer is that Your will be done Father to spread your love and mercy abroad to all of your children and let us know conclusively that Your Grace is sufficient for us today as it was for Paul nearly 2000 years ago. Amen.

Let there be peace

Sister Pansy was a dear sister in the church we attend who passed away in 2007. She was just barely old enough to have been my mother or my husband's mother and treated us as such after ours passed away. We loved her so dearly.

She loved coming by our house and chatting with us, always in a hurry to get some place else, yet always distracted by the sharing of love between us through our memories or her memories. We always felt better after having been with her. She would give advice if needed but so lovingly. She never found fault with people who were doing the best they could and was always ready to forgive and move on. She was one of the most generous people with her time, her provisions and her ability to make one feel better about themselves whenever she sensed the need. I will never forget her as long as I stay in my right mind. She was one of the smartest and greatest people I have known. She had wisdom and charity like none other. She had a tenderness that anyone could see. She possessed the willingness to help no matter the circumstance, and she had a sense of humor that could tickle anyone's funnybone.

She would come to my house and because she knew I loved to write, she would recite things to me that she had written down in her mind and her heart although not on paper and so many times I would encourage her to write them down. I gave her a journal once and told her to write anything she wanted to keep in it, I hope she did get to write a few things down. She could remember the songs and poetry verbatim at a moment's notice and loved it when she was asked to recite them.

She loved little children and would often play with them for a few minutes when in their presence. She loved flowers, ginsenging, canning vegetables and berries. Pansy loved God and her church most of all and was devoted to the building up of God's kingdom. She was so special to me and a most precious servant of Jesus Christ to any of His children. Whether she was getting something for someone in church like water or cough drop or a fan she did it out of love. Whether she was putting out her famous and most delicious pickles at our church or uncovering Jake's steaks, the cube steaks she was so proud to make for church along with her husband she did it with a smile and a chuckle as she would tell some little story so often as she worked. We miss her so bad and the love she brought to our church. It is hard to live without her in our lives, but she needed rest and and God provided her need out of His Mercy and His Goodness.

In the past few days she has been on my mind so much because I know how hurt she would have been to see her "somewhat adopted son and daughter" go through the trials they have gone through lately. You could always feel when she shared in someone's pain. I can see her so plainly as if she was sitting at my kitchen table talking with me or reciting one of her songs. Shortly before she died I put together a little songbook and asked her if I could use a couple of her songs in it. I can't tell you how excited she was to give them to me over the phone once more as I wrote them down. She lived long enough to see the songbook and was so very happy to think someone had actually put her songs where someone else could use them. Looking back I think maybe through me God granted this to take place for her and often think that was the sole purpose of the little book although very few knows that. I am so fortunate to have those songs and the past few days one of them has gone over in my head over and over just as I remember her singing it in church with the vision of her in my mind and the blessings that would engulf her as she sang with all her heart these words:

Chorus:
Let there be peace in the camps of Old Israel. Let there be joy for the children of God.
Father please give us more laborers in the vineyard to walk in the path your children have trod.

As I travel along this earthly life's journey and I feel the love God's people can share.
When the Lord takes me to the top of the mountain then I feel assured that he'll answer my prayer.

Chorus:Let there be peace in the camps of Old Israel. Let there be joy for the children of God.Father please give us more laborers in the vineyard to walk in the path your children have trod.

When I see mourners strive to enter thy Kingdom, I feel they are asking forgiveness of thee,
Father please lead them and grant their petition, and I believe you will hear them praying with me.

Chorus:Let there be peace in the camps of Old Israel. Let there be joy for the children of God.Father please give us more laborers in the vineyard to walk in the path your children have trod.

As sweet Pansy one of the many flowers in the Master's Bouquet rests atop a high, high mountain, awaiting the day of renewal in His Kingdom, I too want to ask for peace in the camps of our people and in their hearts as we begin this new year. Not only do I pray for the peace in these camps but also in the physical camps of Old Israel as that country is much turmoil right right. Father let there be peace if possible with all your children the whole world over.

Love Lifts Those Who Believe In Him

God IS Sooooo Good!
A couple posts down I wrote about When God is with us we shouldn't worry who might be against us. For one night this week he came to our house.Just two lonely people in one accord loving the Lord when He made His entrance by way of His Holy Spirit.
He blessed us beyond measure and from that day to this my worries started to subside about the trials we have been going through. The scripture about confessing your faults one to another still does work with some brothers and sisters and it was proven out today when our church restored full fellowship to my husband with no more questions and no contentions. Blessed be the name of the Lord. The days that have followed since Jesus's visit to us have been filled with love and the valley seemed not so low as before. In my heart I could hear singing from my childhood that always lifted me so and it was LOVE LIFTED ME and if you don't know the lyrics I am placing them here and there are sites to hear the sound if you too want to be lifted up. Praise the Lord and Let His Praises Ring True Forever and Forever More.

Although our problem was not the need to be saved but the calming of the waves around us and it is wonderful to feel peace that passes all understanding.

Love Lifted Me

I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore,Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more,But the Master of the sea, heard my despairing cry,From the waters lifted me, now safe am I.
Love lifted me!Love lifted me!When nothing else could helpLove lifted me!
All my heart to Him I give, ever to Him I'll clingIn His blessèd presence live, ever His praises sing,Love so mighty and so true, merits my soul's best songs,Faithful, loving service too, to Him belongs.
Love lifted me!Love lifted me!When nothing else could helpLove lifted me!
Souls in danger look above, Jesus completely saves,He will lift you by His love, out of the angry waves.He's the Master of the sea, billows His will obey,He your Savior wants to be, be saved today.
Love lifted me!Love lifted me!When nothing else could helpLove lifted me!

Have Mercy, Oh Lord on all the Fruit Inspectors!

Are you a fruit inspector? A spiritual fruit inspector that is?

Many things go on in churches that other churches know nothing about and as long as things go well with a few who like to rule over others then all is well, but when a jealously arises that causes some envy and strife some begin looking for ways to get rid of others. It doesn't matter that God says to let the wheat and tares grow together for in pulling up the tares they will pull up some of the wheat, also.

Surely we are living in the last days due to the coldness of so many who profess Christ in their life. The unwillingness to forgive, the holier than thou attitudes. The falling away of love for brothers and sisters to the point of allowing their actions to almost kill the other person. The egos that are growing larger by each passing day by those who think they do no wrong and can turn from their own flesh and blood while others would protect their flesh and blood knowing they have done wrong. There is no wonder why we can never expect a deep surge of membership in some of our churches, because who would want to come to a church that is always in turmoil in one way or another. It is so sad that so many churches thrive on tearing down than restoring or building up. Love is the key and the answer to all misunderstanding. Love is the key to healing and the author of Love is God. He who provokes the one to anger and sin is no better than the one who has sinned first. He who is holier than thou is less holy than any. He who says he is without sin is a liar. He who is in authority and does not read and study the Bible is blind and he will lead the blind to a place they cannot see afar off. He who acknowledges his mistakes and admits them will not be condemned by God. He that learns from his mistakes and preaches ways to avoid the same will be leading those who have had their eyes opened and will help keep them from stumbling.Those who have never learned from their mistakes have nothing to tell.Their tree has not grown from it's conception to have it's fruit be tested. Our churches have a lot of fruit inspectors who look at the outside but have never bitten into the core to see if it is rotten from within, but have discarded it because of a bruise to the outside of it's flesh. The core of the fruit is where the real test lies. Are you a tester of outsides only or can you look at a piece of fruit and know that it is good or bad to the core? If you can then you might be capable of looking into hearts.

We had better be careful as to what and how we accuse others of wrongdoing. Lord have mercy on us all for the pain we inflict on your children both knowingly and unknowingly. Lead us not into temptation Lord, but deliver us from evil and from those who let evil lead them in whatever way it may be. We know you are not the author of confusion and you gave us the beatitudes to show us in the many ways you will deliver us. Personally you say You are our shelter in the time of storm and our rock in a weary land. You will never leave us nor forsake us when there are those who want to kill us. You have been with us all these many years and though man can break our bones with sticks and stones, his words can kill us and hurt our spirits but they can not take away the salvation you gave to us so many years ago. Thank-you dear lord for your love and mercy on us and please have mercy on all those who need relief from the burdens they carry no matter what ever they may be.

If God Loves Us it Shouldn't Matter Who is Against US

Recently my husband and I have gone through some trials and tribulations like none we've ever experienced before. Some due to our own mistakes and some due to things brought about by others we have been close to who choose not to forgive although we have been called brother and sister by them for over 35 years.
The thing is, is that no one on this earth can discern the heart that has been turned over to God. They may try and even think they know the extent of the workings of another individual but in reality they do not know. None of us can tell what the relationship is between one human being and God except that of ourselves. We extend the right hand of fellowship to those who say they have been born again and accept them into our life as brother and sister and as long as things suit us with them, we treat them as such, and that is as a brother and sister. At least we do in church on Sunday. We may rarely think of them through the week however. How many of us really pray for our brothers and sisters and their families unless we are specificially asked to do so? In our churches we don't have prayer chains or prayer lines that have people on call at all times to call each other asking for prayer for someone in the church. The only way we hear for the need of prayer is if someone asks for prayer in church or if someone hears it by chance from just anyone on the street. For so many long years we could not even feel free to ask for prayer in church because we did not practice the invitation of prayer requests. It is slowly changing because so many people think it is so
restrictive on the congregation to feel as if they can't request prayer. After all aren't we God's children who believe in the power of prayer? For so many years it was an understood prayer that we ask God to remember all those who are in need from the heads of the river to the ends of the same. It was an easy way of getting out of praying for specific individuals although I don't think it was meant to be taken that way but rather a tradition that had been handed down. But getting back to offering the right hand of fellowship to men and women they should also have a scarlet letter given to them to tell them that the first time they do wrong no matter how small or how great, they MUST hang that scarlet letter around their neck and wear it till they die, to distinguish them from any other brother or sister and they should be told that they can't be forgiven anymore. They should also be told that they are contagious and are not to associate themselves with anyone who REALLY is a Christian. Wearing that letter will keep anyone from mistaking them for one. Sounds like the days of stoning people to death doesn't it. Sounds like Saul when he held the coats of those doing the stoning. Reminds me of all the brothers who grab brothers coats to hang them up for them as long as they know they are a brother, but Jesus says what you have done unto one of these little ones you have done unto Him. I don't think we really realize what is meant by that scripture, and how important it is to treat everyone the same.
Since this incident with us we have seen brothers completely turn their backs on us as if my husband had the plague and I will never forget what he told one brother, when he said, "You can't catch what I have, you already have it. It's in your flesh already." Another thing he told one brother is that you can shower right now and thirty minutes you can shower again and you will still get dirt off, because we are made from the ground and no matter how much washing you do, you will always have dirt to rub off." This inward man is not that way though. God will clean us up and although we may do things to grieve Him he will never forsake us nor leave us. As one old brother said to me once as a young Christian and I have quoted it many times, he said "Never do anything to grieve the spirit" and although I have tried to live by that the best that I can, I know I have grieved that precious Holy Spirit inside of me and it hurts to know that I have, but being part human we will be guilty at times and no one has to tell us for we will feel it in our souls. What do we do about it is the next question? If we hurt someone are we willing to go to that person and ask forgiveness as well as ask God. I know that I can, but I don't know about others, but how will I be received if I do is the next question.
Will the person hurt be willing to forgive me? What my husband and I have seen is little forgiveness from some and mountains of forgiveness from others. Evidently the person's nature has a lot to do with the forgiving, therefore he must be grieving his own spirit quite a bit also.
I have been writing for several years now and have met several people via of the internet and those whom I have met and profess Christ in their life has kept emailing me and corresponding with me because evidently our spirits connect. Some I know what church they belong to but others I do not. I don't ask. They don't ask me although most know I am Baptist by my writings. I did not start writing to get famous or rich but to try to reach people through God's love He shares with me. Never do I want to do something that is not pleasing to Him. My husband even worried that our church would not look favorably upon me writing books and really thought there would be someone who would say something to me about it. I was determined that if I wrote the truth about what God has done for me in my life and how where He leads me I will follow that good would come of it and it has. No one can take that away from me. There have been brothers who would not take one of my books and the reason why I do not know but I have my ideas why and one of them is that they are afraid of what another brother might say about it. Dictatorship keeps a lot of people in line and it is not God as the dictator either. It is pitiful when you get right down to it that others can lead people along like they do. So pitiful for anyone to be in that condition is all I can say. Referring to those who email us from all over the US, we have been so blessed. Yesterday a woman emailed me who always puts a saying or scripture at the end of her email and her name is Mary, also. She wrote "Never look down on anyone unless you are trying to help them up." Another one of her favorites is " Never judge anyone, except by the content of their character." This morning this email came and it said "If God brings you to the edge of a cliff, jump for He will either catch you before you fall or He will teach you how to fly." Another lady who I love very much and is so full of wisdom says "What the mind harbors, the body will manifest." Now that can be taken many ways. For if we think bad about ourselves, our bodies will show signs of distress. If we think inappropriate thoughts our bodies are apt to act out, if we think depressing thoughts we are apt to give up and go to bed, if we think upbeat, we will act upbeat. If we think spiritually we will act spiritual, but none of these mind harboring thoughts stay the same. We are constantly changing and reacting, and some of the things we do are not things we are proud of, but because we are ever changing, that too will pass and things will get better for us. That is how I feel right now. For so long our people have been held in bondage in many ways.
Fear for this and fear of that for what men might think of us rather than what God thinks of us. The Bible says that men lay burdens upon us that they could remove with their finger but they choose not to. To me that is so awful that a brother would not relieve another brother of any burden he could. Surely that is not of God to be that way. Jesus is so loving and forgiving and that is the way He wants us to be, but we all fall so short. It also says that some try to take away our liberty because of their own conscience. I think we all have been guilty of pushing our belief in something onto others when we have no right to do so.
The other night my husband and I were alone and Jesus came by our house. His spirit came down and blessed us beyond measure. I began rejoicing and my husband began singing My Savior's Precious Blood.
Where two or three are gathered in His name He will be in the midst. Just two of us were here, so we both must be His if He was with us and we were all in one accord. I then went to the bathroom to dry the tears
and realized as I looked in the mirror that I had pants on and my hair was gray, stringy and not as long as some sisters, but He had poured His blessings out all over me, and He knows I love Him, and He knows my husband loves Him and it does not matter any more to me what others want to do to us, for if He is with us that is all that matters. Those who are so perfect and feel they have a right to interfere with God's plan then they will answer for it. For as Jesus said when He was giving up His life for us all, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" and that still rings clear today.
As Christians we are to strive to do the best we can and live as close to Christ-like as we can, but we will never get exactly where we want as long as we are still in this human body. One day though God will change us and will perfect us and will make us all the same. There will be no more groups better than other groups, there will be no more judgments upon us from men that were as human as we were once, and there will be no more big I's and little you's.