It has been seven months since I've published anything on my blog due to the sorrow of having a nervous breakdown in February which began during the time I was posting on this blog but culminated in being hospitalized in February. How you might say did I allow this to happen to myself with having the amount of faith and belief in God that I have. My only answer is that I am human and the cares of this world had me so bogged down with grief and sorrow that I tried on my own to fix things that I alone could not fix.
I thought I had caused all the problems so it was therefore up to me to fix them. With much prayer and consultation with the medical profession as well as Christian brothers and sisters who know the real me and know that I would never do anything to purposely hurt anyone with my words or deeds have helped me to realize that a number far greater than one person is responsible in what happened to me and my family as a whole.
Without rehashing all the things that happened to me and my family let me summarily say that due to an indiscretion that was brought on by my husband due to the temptations we all have in our daily life in some form. My family has nearly been destroyed. My minister husband asked for forgiveness from God and told me about it and asked my forgiveness, which I did, but the personality I have led me to think I needed to confide in another pastor which I did locally and to my dismay it was spread all over our county and surrounding counties in such a way that has nearly killed my whole family. Gossip is what it has amounted to and unforgiving people who profess to have God as their leader just as we did and do destroyed many people in the process.
The indiscretion hurt me and was a personal thing between us and God and had been forgiven. I personally wanted to know if I had done the right thing by not bringing it before our church, is why I went to the brother. I had much confidence in him that he would tell me and do the right thing himself and that I could have this put behind me after 5 years. Emotionally is where it hurt me so bad as it would with any woman. However our church that we had devoted 36 years to forgave in the beginning but after so much talk they all turned their backs on us. Our association was divided and our churches split. Yes that is true over this indiscretion that hurt me personally, deeply and emotionally, but did not lead to a physical affair.
I began trying to tell everyone that I was wrong in going to the brother in church with my marriage problem and that I did not want my husband or anyone hurt for it especially our church and our association. Every attempt to try to convince people to drop it only led to more disappointment and more pain emotionally and physically for me and for my husband. I was drained, I could not sleep, I was crying myself to death and I could not think things out. I acted then reacted continuously till I was nearly collapsing every day. Then one day in my Dr.s office it was suggested that I needed help and I must say I truly did need help so bad. I was shaking from my head to my feet and on occasion I still do, but gradually every day I am improving.
I honestly thought there was no better for either of us but to wait till death came upon us. Now having regained some strength I can still see the purpose in life to do God's will no matter what man may think and so does my husband. It is just so extraordinary that most churches have policies that admonish or reprimand but still lovingly show mercy and forgive people when they are sorry and make mistakes. WE have learned a lesson that took us 36 years to recognize. I pray we live long enough to restore our faith in the church we loved so well and for so long.
Never would we condone or give merit to the things we've done wrong as being good but none of us are without faults and mistakes and the love of God should abound in us to the extent of forgiveness to our brothers or sisters who falter, admit it and ask forgiveness.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Questions to ponder
The following are questions geared toward the spiritual and the flesh of man? They are not meant to be taken litterally as in the terms of stoning, killing, etc. but rather as metaphors for things done unto each other who claim to be brothers in churches.
We know we have passed from death unto life because we love the brethren. All the brethren? Some of the brethren? Few of the brethren?
Is there any room for forgiveness when a brother asks for it?
Can a brother be brought before a tribunal that has already asked forgiveness and been forgiven by God?
What if there is no tangible proof and no witnesses?
Is he a liar if he says God forgave Him? Do you fear standing in judgment of Hell-fire if you can't forgive?
Can you be consumed with hatred and cannot stand your brethren who might disagree with you and say you Love God? Is it impossible?
Are you always right in your judgments toward another? Can you accept that you might be wrong?
Gossip is bad but is listening to gossip just as bad?
If a little gossip hurts, how much can open humiliation hurt? Is it worth it to see a brother destroyed in your eyes? Why not stone the brother to death publicly? Is it good to kill many in order to kill one? Is it like war and the collateral damage is to be expected? Even if it is more brothers and sisters? is it worth it to destroy churches right down the middle to seek revenge?
Is living under a dictatorship in some churches like living in a cult?
Is a dictator in a church any different than the mind controllers who have controlled cults in the past?
Can a person who is a demagogue be capable of seeing what he is doing?
What does murmurings mean? Does it mean going from brother to brother with secret talks and inuendos?
Can a person be proud of himself when he goes to and fro seeking recruits for his agenda? Even in unseemly places? Does his conscience hurt him? Is he sly like a fox if he does these things? Is he a wolf in sheep's clothing?
Do those murmurings speak to the mind or the hearts of men?
How far will one brother go to kill another spiritually? The devil goes to and fro seeking whom he may devour.
Jesus was tempted 40 days and 40 nights. Can you believe that? He was perfect and didn't sin? Have you ever been tempted 40 days and 40 nights and not sin? Jesus didn't need to be saved he was already the source of all salvation for all mankind. Because He saves from sin do we never sin again?
We know we have passed from death unto life because we love the brethren. All the brethren? Some of the brethren? Few of the brethren?
Is there any room for forgiveness when a brother asks for it?
Can a brother be brought before a tribunal that has already asked forgiveness and been forgiven by God?
What if there is no tangible proof and no witnesses?
Is he a liar if he says God forgave Him? Do you fear standing in judgment of Hell-fire if you can't forgive?
Can you be consumed with hatred and cannot stand your brethren who might disagree with you and say you Love God? Is it impossible?
Are you always right in your judgments toward another? Can you accept that you might be wrong?
Gossip is bad but is listening to gossip just as bad?
If a little gossip hurts, how much can open humiliation hurt? Is it worth it to see a brother destroyed in your eyes? Why not stone the brother to death publicly? Is it good to kill many in order to kill one? Is it like war and the collateral damage is to be expected? Even if it is more brothers and sisters? is it worth it to destroy churches right down the middle to seek revenge?
Is living under a dictatorship in some churches like living in a cult?
Is a dictator in a church any different than the mind controllers who have controlled cults in the past?
Can a person who is a demagogue be capable of seeing what he is doing?
What does murmurings mean? Does it mean going from brother to brother with secret talks and inuendos?
Can a person be proud of himself when he goes to and fro seeking recruits for his agenda? Even in unseemly places? Does his conscience hurt him? Is he sly like a fox if he does these things? Is he a wolf in sheep's clothing?
Do those murmurings speak to the mind or the hearts of men?
How far will one brother go to kill another spiritually? The devil goes to and fro seeking whom he may devour.
Jesus was tempted 40 days and 40 nights. Can you believe that? He was perfect and didn't sin? Have you ever been tempted 40 days and 40 nights and not sin? Jesus didn't need to be saved he was already the source of all salvation for all mankind. Because He saves from sin do we never sin again?
Thursday, January 08, 2009
For the past two weeks I have posted much on the questions of sin and whether or not a Christian will still sin. I asked many questions. The answers are all found in God's Holy Book. Never do I want to take away or add to anything He has for us to go by. Paul's letters to the churches are prime examples that he found a little something wrong with members in each one.
In the books of James to Revelation we see the words are to the Christians, who appear to have still committed sins. Sin is not something to be proud of, boast about but to lay before the altar of Jesus and as He sits in His seat of Mercy he will forgive if it is forgiveable.
Hopefully this is my last post on topics of woe is me syndrome for what others have done to us for in God lies the answers and in Him I will put my trust and leave it there. My prayer is that Your will be done Father to spread your love and mercy abroad to all of your children and let us know conclusively that Your Grace is sufficient for us today as it was for Paul nearly 2000 years ago. Amen.
In the books of James to Revelation we see the words are to the Christians, who appear to have still committed sins. Sin is not something to be proud of, boast about but to lay before the altar of Jesus and as He sits in His seat of Mercy he will forgive if it is forgiveable.
Hopefully this is my last post on topics of woe is me syndrome for what others have done to us for in God lies the answers and in Him I will put my trust and leave it there. My prayer is that Your will be done Father to spread your love and mercy abroad to all of your children and let us know conclusively that Your Grace is sufficient for us today as it was for Paul nearly 2000 years ago. Amen.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Let there be peace
Sister Pansy was a dear sister in the church we attend who passed away in 2007. She was just barely old enough to have been my mother or my husband's mother and treated us as such after ours passed away. We loved her so dearly.
She loved coming by our house and chatting with us, always in a hurry to get some place else, yet always distracted by the sharing of love between us through our memories or her memories. We always felt better after having been with her. She would give advice if needed but so lovingly. She never found fault with people who were doing the best they could and was always ready to forgive and move on. She was one of the most generous people with her time, her provisions and her ability to make one feel better about themselves whenever she sensed the need. I will never forget her as long as I stay in my right mind. She was one of the smartest and greatest people I have known. She had wisdom and charity like none other. She had a tenderness that anyone could see. She possessed the willingness to help no matter the circumstance, and she had a sense of humor that could tickle anyone's funnybone.
She would come to my house and because she knew I loved to write, she would recite things to me that she had written down in her mind and her heart although not on paper and so many times I would encourage her to write them down. I gave her a journal once and told her to write anything she wanted to keep in it, I hope she did get to write a few things down. She could remember the songs and poetry verbatim at a moment's notice and loved it when she was asked to recite them.
She loved little children and would often play with them for a few minutes when in their presence. She loved flowers, ginsenging, canning vegetables and berries. Pansy loved God and her church most of all and was devoted to the building up of God's kingdom. She was so special to me and a most precious servant of Jesus Christ to any of His children. Whether she was getting something for someone in church like water or cough drop or a fan she did it out of love. Whether she was putting out her famous and most delicious pickles at our church or uncovering Jake's steaks, the cube steaks she was so proud to make for church along with her husband she did it with a smile and a chuckle as she would tell some little story so often as she worked. We miss her so bad and the love she brought to our church. It is hard to live without her in our lives, but she needed rest and and God provided her need out of His Mercy and His Goodness.
In the past few days she has been on my mind so much because I know how hurt she would have been to see her "somewhat adopted son and daughter" go through the trials they have gone through lately. You could always feel when she shared in someone's pain. I can see her so plainly as if she was sitting at my kitchen table talking with me or reciting one of her songs. Shortly before she died I put together a little songbook and asked her if I could use a couple of her songs in it. I can't tell you how excited she was to give them to me over the phone once more as I wrote them down. She lived long enough to see the songbook and was so very happy to think someone had actually put her songs where someone else could use them. Looking back I think maybe through me God granted this to take place for her and often think that was the sole purpose of the little book although very few knows that. I am so fortunate to have those songs and the past few days one of them has gone over in my head over and over just as I remember her singing it in church with the vision of her in my mind and the blessings that would engulf her as she sang with all her heart these words:
Chorus:
Let there be peace in the camps of Old Israel. Let there be joy for the children of God.
Father please give us more laborers in the vineyard to walk in the path your children have trod.
As I travel along this earthly life's journey and I feel the love God's people can share.
When the Lord takes me to the top of the mountain then I feel assured that he'll answer my prayer.
Chorus:Let there be peace in the camps of Old Israel. Let there be joy for the children of God.Father please give us more laborers in the vineyard to walk in the path your children have trod.
When I see mourners strive to enter thy Kingdom, I feel they are asking forgiveness of thee,
Father please lead them and grant their petition, and I believe you will hear them praying with me.
Chorus:Let there be peace in the camps of Old Israel. Let there be joy for the children of God.Father please give us more laborers in the vineyard to walk in the path your children have trod.
As sweet Pansy one of the many flowers in the Master's Bouquet rests atop a high, high mountain, awaiting the day of renewal in His Kingdom, I too want to ask for peace in the camps of our people and in their hearts as we begin this new year. Not only do I pray for the peace in these camps but also in the physical camps of Old Israel as that country is much turmoil right right. Father let there be peace if possible with all your children the whole world over.
She loved coming by our house and chatting with us, always in a hurry to get some place else, yet always distracted by the sharing of love between us through our memories or her memories. We always felt better after having been with her. She would give advice if needed but so lovingly. She never found fault with people who were doing the best they could and was always ready to forgive and move on. She was one of the most generous people with her time, her provisions and her ability to make one feel better about themselves whenever she sensed the need. I will never forget her as long as I stay in my right mind. She was one of the smartest and greatest people I have known. She had wisdom and charity like none other. She had a tenderness that anyone could see. She possessed the willingness to help no matter the circumstance, and she had a sense of humor that could tickle anyone's funnybone.
She would come to my house and because she knew I loved to write, she would recite things to me that she had written down in her mind and her heart although not on paper and so many times I would encourage her to write them down. I gave her a journal once and told her to write anything she wanted to keep in it, I hope she did get to write a few things down. She could remember the songs and poetry verbatim at a moment's notice and loved it when she was asked to recite them.
She loved little children and would often play with them for a few minutes when in their presence. She loved flowers, ginsenging, canning vegetables and berries. Pansy loved God and her church most of all and was devoted to the building up of God's kingdom. She was so special to me and a most precious servant of Jesus Christ to any of His children. Whether she was getting something for someone in church like water or cough drop or a fan she did it out of love. Whether she was putting out her famous and most delicious pickles at our church or uncovering Jake's steaks, the cube steaks she was so proud to make for church along with her husband she did it with a smile and a chuckle as she would tell some little story so often as she worked. We miss her so bad and the love she brought to our church. It is hard to live without her in our lives, but she needed rest and and God provided her need out of His Mercy and His Goodness.
In the past few days she has been on my mind so much because I know how hurt she would have been to see her "somewhat adopted son and daughter" go through the trials they have gone through lately. You could always feel when she shared in someone's pain. I can see her so plainly as if she was sitting at my kitchen table talking with me or reciting one of her songs. Shortly before she died I put together a little songbook and asked her if I could use a couple of her songs in it. I can't tell you how excited she was to give them to me over the phone once more as I wrote them down. She lived long enough to see the songbook and was so very happy to think someone had actually put her songs where someone else could use them. Looking back I think maybe through me God granted this to take place for her and often think that was the sole purpose of the little book although very few knows that. I am so fortunate to have those songs and the past few days one of them has gone over in my head over and over just as I remember her singing it in church with the vision of her in my mind and the blessings that would engulf her as she sang with all her heart these words:
Chorus:
Let there be peace in the camps of Old Israel. Let there be joy for the children of God.
Father please give us more laborers in the vineyard to walk in the path your children have trod.
As I travel along this earthly life's journey and I feel the love God's people can share.
When the Lord takes me to the top of the mountain then I feel assured that he'll answer my prayer.
Chorus:Let there be peace in the camps of Old Israel. Let there be joy for the children of God.Father please give us more laborers in the vineyard to walk in the path your children have trod.
When I see mourners strive to enter thy Kingdom, I feel they are asking forgiveness of thee,
Father please lead them and grant their petition, and I believe you will hear them praying with me.
Chorus:Let there be peace in the camps of Old Israel. Let there be joy for the children of God.Father please give us more laborers in the vineyard to walk in the path your children have trod.
As sweet Pansy one of the many flowers in the Master's Bouquet rests atop a high, high mountain, awaiting the day of renewal in His Kingdom, I too want to ask for peace in the camps of our people and in their hearts as we begin this new year. Not only do I pray for the peace in these camps but also in the physical camps of Old Israel as that country is much turmoil right right. Father let there be peace if possible with all your children the whole world over.
Love Lifts Those Who Believe In Him
God IS Sooooo Good!
A couple posts down I wrote about When God is with us we shouldn't worry who might be against us. For one night this week he came to our house.Just two lonely people in one accord loving the Lord when He made His entrance by way of His Holy Spirit.
He blessed us beyond measure and from that day to this my worries started to subside about the trials we have been going through. The scripture about confessing your faults one to another still does work with some brothers and sisters and it was proven out today when our church restored full fellowship to my husband with no more questions and no contentions. Blessed be the name of the Lord. The days that have followed since Jesus's visit to us have been filled with love and the valley seemed not so low as before. In my heart I could hear singing from my childhood that always lifted me so and it was LOVE LIFTED ME and if you don't know the lyrics I am placing them here and there are sites to hear the sound if you too want to be lifted up. Praise the Lord and Let His Praises Ring True Forever and Forever More.
Although our problem was not the need to be saved but the calming of the waves around us and it is wonderful to feel peace that passes all understanding.
Love Lifted Me
I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore,Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more,But the Master of the sea, heard my despairing cry,From the waters lifted me, now safe am I.
Love lifted me!Love lifted me!When nothing else could helpLove lifted me!
All my heart to Him I give, ever to Him I'll clingIn His blessèd presence live, ever His praises sing,Love so mighty and so true, merits my soul's best songs,Faithful, loving service too, to Him belongs.
Love lifted me!Love lifted me!When nothing else could helpLove lifted me!
Souls in danger look above, Jesus completely saves,He will lift you by His love, out of the angry waves.He's the Master of the sea, billows His will obey,He your Savior wants to be, be saved today.
Love lifted me!Love lifted me!When nothing else could helpLove lifted me!
A couple posts down I wrote about When God is with us we shouldn't worry who might be against us. For one night this week he came to our house.Just two lonely people in one accord loving the Lord when He made His entrance by way of His Holy Spirit.
He blessed us beyond measure and from that day to this my worries started to subside about the trials we have been going through. The scripture about confessing your faults one to another still does work with some brothers and sisters and it was proven out today when our church restored full fellowship to my husband with no more questions and no contentions. Blessed be the name of the Lord. The days that have followed since Jesus's visit to us have been filled with love and the valley seemed not so low as before. In my heart I could hear singing from my childhood that always lifted me so and it was LOVE LIFTED ME and if you don't know the lyrics I am placing them here and there are sites to hear the sound if you too want to be lifted up. Praise the Lord and Let His Praises Ring True Forever and Forever More.
Although our problem was not the need to be saved but the calming of the waves around us and it is wonderful to feel peace that passes all understanding.
Love Lifted Me
I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore,Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more,But the Master of the sea, heard my despairing cry,From the waters lifted me, now safe am I.
Love lifted me!Love lifted me!When nothing else could helpLove lifted me!
All my heart to Him I give, ever to Him I'll clingIn His blessèd presence live, ever His praises sing,Love so mighty and so true, merits my soul's best songs,Faithful, loving service too, to Him belongs.
Love lifted me!Love lifted me!When nothing else could helpLove lifted me!
Souls in danger look above, Jesus completely saves,He will lift you by His love, out of the angry waves.He's the Master of the sea, billows His will obey,He your Savior wants to be, be saved today.
Love lifted me!Love lifted me!When nothing else could helpLove lifted me!
Friday, January 02, 2009
Have Mercy, Oh Lord on all the Fruit Inspectors!
Are you a fruit inspector? A spiritual fruit inspector that is?
Many things go on in churches that other churches know nothing about and as long as things go well with a few who like to rule over others then all is well, but when a jealously arises that causes some envy and strife some begin looking for ways to get rid of others. It doesn't matter that God says to let the wheat and tares grow together for in pulling up the tares they will pull up some of the wheat, also.
Surely we are living in the last days due to the coldness of so many who profess Christ in their life. The unwillingness to forgive, the holier than thou attitudes. The falling away of love for brothers and sisters to the point of allowing their actions to almost kill the other person. The egos that are growing larger by each passing day by those who think they do no wrong and can turn from their own flesh and blood while others would protect their flesh and blood knowing they have done wrong. There is no wonder why we can never expect a deep surge of membership in some of our churches, because who would want to come to a church that is always in turmoil in one way or another. It is so sad that so many churches thrive on tearing down than restoring or building up. Love is the key and the answer to all misunderstanding. Love is the key to healing and the author of Love is God. He who provokes the one to anger and sin is no better than the one who has sinned first. He who is holier than thou is less holy than any. He who says he is without sin is a liar. He who is in authority and does not read and study the Bible is blind and he will lead the blind to a place they cannot see afar off. He who acknowledges his mistakes and admits them will not be condemned by God. He that learns from his mistakes and preaches ways to avoid the same will be leading those who have had their eyes opened and will help keep them from stumbling.Those who have never learned from their mistakes have nothing to tell.Their tree has not grown from it's conception to have it's fruit be tested. Our churches have a lot of fruit inspectors who look at the outside but have never bitten into the core to see if it is rotten from within, but have discarded it because of a bruise to the outside of it's flesh. The core of the fruit is where the real test lies. Are you a tester of outsides only or can you look at a piece of fruit and know that it is good or bad to the core? If you can then you might be capable of looking into hearts.
We had better be careful as to what and how we accuse others of wrongdoing. Lord have mercy on us all for the pain we inflict on your children both knowingly and unknowingly. Lead us not into temptation Lord, but deliver us from evil and from those who let evil lead them in whatever way it may be. We know you are not the author of confusion and you gave us the beatitudes to show us in the many ways you will deliver us. Personally you say You are our shelter in the time of storm and our rock in a weary land. You will never leave us nor forsake us when there are those who want to kill us. You have been with us all these many years and though man can break our bones with sticks and stones, his words can kill us and hurt our spirits but they can not take away the salvation you gave to us so many years ago. Thank-you dear lord for your love and mercy on us and please have mercy on all those who need relief from the burdens they carry no matter what ever they may be.
Many things go on in churches that other churches know nothing about and as long as things go well with a few who like to rule over others then all is well, but when a jealously arises that causes some envy and strife some begin looking for ways to get rid of others. It doesn't matter that God says to let the wheat and tares grow together for in pulling up the tares they will pull up some of the wheat, also.
Surely we are living in the last days due to the coldness of so many who profess Christ in their life. The unwillingness to forgive, the holier than thou attitudes. The falling away of love for brothers and sisters to the point of allowing their actions to almost kill the other person. The egos that are growing larger by each passing day by those who think they do no wrong and can turn from their own flesh and blood while others would protect their flesh and blood knowing they have done wrong. There is no wonder why we can never expect a deep surge of membership in some of our churches, because who would want to come to a church that is always in turmoil in one way or another. It is so sad that so many churches thrive on tearing down than restoring or building up. Love is the key and the answer to all misunderstanding. Love is the key to healing and the author of Love is God. He who provokes the one to anger and sin is no better than the one who has sinned first. He who is holier than thou is less holy than any. He who says he is without sin is a liar. He who is in authority and does not read and study the Bible is blind and he will lead the blind to a place they cannot see afar off. He who acknowledges his mistakes and admits them will not be condemned by God. He that learns from his mistakes and preaches ways to avoid the same will be leading those who have had their eyes opened and will help keep them from stumbling.Those who have never learned from their mistakes have nothing to tell.Their tree has not grown from it's conception to have it's fruit be tested. Our churches have a lot of fruit inspectors who look at the outside but have never bitten into the core to see if it is rotten from within, but have discarded it because of a bruise to the outside of it's flesh. The core of the fruit is where the real test lies. Are you a tester of outsides only or can you look at a piece of fruit and know that it is good or bad to the core? If you can then you might be capable of looking into hearts.
We had better be careful as to what and how we accuse others of wrongdoing. Lord have mercy on us all for the pain we inflict on your children both knowingly and unknowingly. Lead us not into temptation Lord, but deliver us from evil and from those who let evil lead them in whatever way it may be. We know you are not the author of confusion and you gave us the beatitudes to show us in the many ways you will deliver us. Personally you say You are our shelter in the time of storm and our rock in a weary land. You will never leave us nor forsake us when there are those who want to kill us. You have been with us all these many years and though man can break our bones with sticks and stones, his words can kill us and hurt our spirits but they can not take away the salvation you gave to us so many years ago. Thank-you dear lord for your love and mercy on us and please have mercy on all those who need relief from the burdens they carry no matter what ever they may be.